


Second Nature

by sseuniesun



Category: GOT7
Genre: Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-04-30 08:10:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14492619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sseuniesun/pseuds/sseuniesun
Summary: Izy was all a man could ask for. Sexy, outgoing, sexy oh and sexy. That’s all Jaebum could think of, at the moment, to be completely honest.The only thing she maybe did wrong was not to be Jackson Wang.





	1. Chapter 1

Jaebum liked being controlling.  
He liked to know at what time he’ll get to a place before even heading off home. He loved it when he already figured out if he had passed his exam or failed it. He liked to know he had fresh vegetables in his refrigerator in case he wanted to cook something (even if he never did). He liked to know he was the best on the pitch, that everyone feared him.

Jaebum loved to have everything under control.  
And the worst things happened when he wasn't in control.  
And it was the case right now.

« Baby » 

When he first got into the dating thing, Jaebum knew he wasn't going to be that much of a boyfriend material. He prefered lazy Friday nights playing games instead of clubbing, he loved to be by himself and even if he was a generous soul, he wasn't sure he would be able to give his « all » to someone.

« Jaebumie.. »

But he did.  
All of Jaebum’s thoughts and certitudes fell from miles and he never thought about himself the same. He was surprised to discover that he wasn't that much of an insensitive soul. He had never imagined he would throw himself under a train when puppy eyes looked at him in a certain way. He never thought he'd like to kiss the hell out of a pair of pouty red lips. He was way too far to think that he would always have someone in his mind. Missing that person every second of the day and night.

And even thought he loved being controlling, he didn't do it everytime.

The principle and basically only reason Jabeum had lost control in literally everything in his life was as simple as complicated:

Jackson Wang.

Jaebum has never been ashamed to admit he would have threw himself from the highest tour in the world if Jackson had asked him to. With that pout on those gorgeous lips of his. He couldn't tell when he had found himself that addicted and whipped for Jackson, but when he discovered it, it was already too late.

Jackson lit up his world.

He remembers when they both first met, three years ago already.  
It was their first year at university, both were excited about the UNI life and the freedom that came with it, before they realized it demanded even more hard work than high school.

Jackson talked to him first.

Of course.

Jaebum finds himself smiling remembering Jackson’s cute confused face and strong accent when he had come to ask him for help.

« Baby ? »

His soft and silky fringe fell on his forehead. But his eyes were too beautiful for a fringe to cover. Jaebum felt all the confusion and curiousness in those big brown eyes and he could imagine the furrowed eyebrows behind the dark browned fringe when Jackson had asked him « Uhhm excuse me, my name is Jackson Wang and… uhm… I'm kind of lost.. ? » Jackson looked at his feet mumbling something to himself and that was enough to caught all of Jaebum's attention, as he closed the book he was holding ( he wasn't really reading that economy book anyway) and stood up from that old chair of the university library. 

« I'm sorry i'm not that good in Korean.. » Jaebum’s smile got widder, Jackson could now be confused for a Korean because of how perfectly he managed the language.

« I wondered if you could help me … » Jackson looked at his feet again and started moving his lips, he was talking to himself again. Jaebum half smiled after ending Jackson's uncomfortable moment. « Learn Korean? » Jackson looked up so fast that Jaebum was for a second worried for his neck. Jackson’s big brown eyes grew even bigger as he made a choked expression. « Hey ! » he said after giving Jaebum a little tap on his left shoulder. « I’m not korean ! » « I could tell » Jackson’s eyes grew even bigger and Jaebum wondered how that was possible. He quickly gave Jackson a warm smile, because that's it; he couldn't control himself from smiling genuinely. 

The first time he had met Jackson, his habit of always smiling for no reason at all when he was around him had started 

In fact, he was the reason. Jackson was all of his reasons.

That was a bad start.

"I’m just teasing you." jaebum said, offering his right hand to Jackson, before he grabbed his hand, Jaebum thought his was a little too sweaty for a first handshake but screw it, it was too late.  
"Jaebum" he had said, still smiling.

"JAEBUM !"

He blinked and jumped out of his cozy seating position in his bed.  
« Shit… you scared me ! » He held a hand to his heart, and looked away as soon as his eyes met the source of the voice.

"Where did your mind go this time ?"

"You don't want to know" Jaebum thought to himself. But he just burried himself deeper into his sheets and groaned.

"Baby" the voice got softer and nearer and Jaebum sighted as he knew what that meant.  
He hated how that word sounded now.  
The voice was too soft, too direct and emotionless.  
He used to nearly choke every time he was called like that by that husky, deep and sensual voice.  
He remembers how only the world "baby" coming out from that mouth had made him feel numerous amount of things.  
And he would be lying if he said it was saint things.  
But now it sounded plain.  
That's it.  
Plain.  
It sounded just as the real thing it was, just as a nickname.

He felt a warm hand on his chest hidden under his white sheets.

He knew that hand.

Too small, too soft, too pale and fingertips too nail polished.

"Answer me."  
Jaebum felt a cold buise on his face as he realised the sheets have been taken off him.  
"I’m just tired" he tried to fake a smile, and he suddenly felt sad. Because not a long ago, he couldn't stop smiling genuinely.  
« Ok ! » He felt lips on his forehead. They were too thin and he felt more of the red lipstick than actual lips.

He didn't like lipsticks.

« See you later ! »  
The door closed after some seconds and jaebum sighted.  
« You’re being a horrible boyfriend. » He says, louder this time because no one can hear him.  
But what could he do, when at first place, he didnt want to do this? Well, at least, not with her.

Jaebum started dating Izy, a girl from his university for about two weeks.  
She’s all a man could ask for. Sexy, outgoing, sexy oh and sexy. That’s all Jaebum could think of, at the moment, to be completely honest.

The only thing she maybe did wrong was not to be Jackson Wang.

She's not a rebound, she really isn't .  
Jaebum found her charming and she was way too seductive with him for any man to ignore.  
He probably doesn't know how they exactly started dating, if you ask him.

But here he is, in his bed, smelling a mango feminine fragrance on the pillow next to him.

He hated mangos.

He hated feminine fragrances.

And he most importantly hated the fact that his bed did not smell of Jackson anymore.

He doesn't want to be that kind of guy; spamming his ex boyfriend with "i love you"s and "i'm sorry"s, he didn't want to be the annoying friend who's always talking about their ex, he didnt want to feel that hurt whenever someone mentioned his name, as if his name made him think about him because he didn't think about him all the time.  
He didn't want to look miserable, because that's how he felt.

He felt miserable.

And he had felt miserable since Jackson and him had broken up. It didnt took him a lot of time to realise how fucked up he was since he left him. Or they left each other.  
It didnt matter, because Jaebum would still feel the same miserable way he was feeling right now, in his cold bed, smelling of fucking mangos.

Jaebum’s and Jackson's relationship was honestly a whole mess. The messiest couple you’ll probably ever meet. Jaebum knew it. And that was what made him fall for Jackson even harder. Because for the first time in his life, he wasn't in need to be in control of everything. He simply let himself get lost in the incredible journey of being Jackson Wang’s boyfriend.  
He never felt the need to hide or to be the individualistic person he was. Because Jackson gave him more than anyone else, the true feeling of happiness. He never thought happiness came along with a person. He found that pathetic how some people would put it all in someone's hands and wait for them to do whatever they wanted with it, letting their whole life depend on someone else.

He still finds it pathetic.

But he'd still put everything about him in Jackson's hands.

He had wanted to give his everything to Jackson, because that's all he had and all he never gave anyone. But he did it for him. He gave Jackson all of his mind, soul, body and heart.

He doesn't remember how being alive felt like before knowing Jackson, and he’s not sure he wants to remember.

But he was dramatically, aware of what life without Jackson felt like now.

And the least he could say is that he wasn't enjoying it at all.

Because their couple was the messiest, their fights didn't make any more sense. They could argue about a missing call, about who ate the last slize of pizza ( well that was comprehensible) or about TV channels.  
They never were out of arguments.

Jaebum didn't mind any of this.  
He loved jackson, with his whole being. And Jackson loved him too.

Jaebum knew that despite all the fights, there's no one he'd rather have this with.  
Even when it came to arguing about stupid things, he couldn't imagine himself doing it with anyone else.

But Jackson wasn't feeling the same way.

That was the whole point.

And jaebum hated himself for not having figured this out before.

Before Jackson felt too hurt, before Jackson started smiling less, before Jackson broke up with him.

It was easily the worst day in Jaebum’s 23 years of being alive.  
Even the day his dog died when he was a little boy didn't feel that painful.

He was left pointless.  
Angry.  
Heart broken.  
In shock.  
And most importalny, still unbelievably in love with Jackson.

He would have gave the world to him.

And he'd still do.

They were two stubborn idiots. And Jaebum knew Jackson would never turn back on his words.

He knew Jackson too well.

He knew he didn't get mad or hurt that easily, but when he did, it was a no turning back kind of way.

He knew his Jackson too damn well.

So he never tried to talk to him again.  
He never tried to get him back.

He knew it was pointless. He knew it would just hurt him even more, even if he didn't think it was actually possible to feel emptier inside and sadder. It was the worst pain he had felt in his life.

And the worst thing is that that pain was here daily.

He knew trying to talk to a hurt and angry Jackson was a mission impossible, and he didn't have the strength to try to pull a James Bond on him.

So he just let him go.

With his broken heart and empty soul.

He had left the love of his life go.

And he would be lying if he said he didnt want to throw himself from a plane because of that.  
But Jaebum didn't want to think too much about it. Because thinking about it made him feel regret. And Jaebum knew it was the worst feeling he could feel.  
He knew how to deal about a lot of things, but regret was just too much for his heart to take.

So, he dated Izy.

She was kinda annoying and too clingy but she was here. She was his girlfriend. And they liked each other.  
Jaebum liked her, he told himself everyday.

His thoughts were interrupted by his buzzing phone. He sighted for the hundredth time in the day and answered the call.  
"Yeeeees ?" He said trying to sound energetic, but the person behind the phone wasn't having any of his shit.  
"Dont try to make a fool of me. I know you’re in your bed." Jaebum sighted. Again. "Get your lazy ass here, you're not missing this course again!"  
"Actually" Jaebum started to think of a way to get himself through this. All he wants to do right now is lay in bed and being the miserable him he is. "I'm feeling a little bit sick..."  
"Liar" Jinyoung said. And don't ask him how, but Jaebum could almost see him rolling his eyes. "I just saw Izy and she told me you were just being lazy in bed again"

Shit.

Does she ever hold her mouth ?

"Alright" Jaebum got up from his warm bed. "I’m coming."

You just can't tell no to Jinyoung.  
It's facts, science .  
And it's something Jaebum had learnt since they were in kindergarten.

It wasn't the same way of "you can't tell him no" as it was with Jackson, thought.

Jinyoung just always had the perfect arguments and never was wrong, so Jaebum had to follow him. But it wasn't the case with Jackson. The thing with Jackson is that he never ever needed to do anything. He never had to do anything and still had Jaebum all wrapped up around his litte finger, looking at him in awe. Let Jackson want something and watch Jaebum ripping himself into four pieces to satisfy him. He never asked for anything, nor did he argue with Jaebum about something he wanted him to do. But Jaebum always figured it out and did it. It was the "even if you don't ask me anything, I'll still do anything you want me to" thing.  
And Jaebum suddenly felt more pathetic than he already was, now. And it's not because of thinking about this. But because of realizing he'd still do anything Jackson Wang wants him to. Maybe it grew as a habit on him. Jackson had grown like a bad habit on him. And you know what people say; a habit is a second nature.

Jackson had became his second nature.

He restricted himself from sighting again because he was tired of it and went to his closet.  
His shirts were lost between lingerie and girly clothes.

He couldn't hold his sight this time.

He hated a messy closet. He hated having his things mixed with others. Unless it was Jackson's things. Because all of his things were Jackson’s too. He loved it when his strong perfumed hoodies were thrown around his room. He loved it when Jackson's red boxers were pulled near his jeans. He even stoped using strong perfumed lessive because he wanted his clothes to smell like Jackson.

Like jackson only.

But now, he just couldn't imagine his clothes smelling like mangos.  
He took Izy’s stuffs out of his closet and gently put them on the side of his bed. He'd tell her to take them back later.

Jaebum decided a black hoodie and black jeans were enough of an adequate thing to wear.  
Because 1) He wasn't trying to impress anyone and 2) He literally only owned dark hoodies and black jeans.  
His hair is still messily falling on his forehead as he takes his bag and puts his white sneakers on before closing the door making way more noises than he had expected.  
He walks his way through the huge corridor of the university dormitory.  
Because of his dad, who participated in the financial stuffs his universiry received, and because well, Mr Im was one of the richest and most influencing businessman in Seoul, Jaebum was able to take a room alone. He didn't have to deal with any weird kind of stranger and it was all beneficent. His room was mostly used as him and Jackson's first appartement, it felt like it. Because Jackson used to hang out there a lot, and he used to end up falling asleep there even more. But it was a past thing now.

Now, it was Izy who would hang out there. But Jaebum never let her sleep there, lying about how his dad was very strict about him and his dating thing.  
He'd never let her sleep there. Never.  
He just wasn't sure how he'd react when he'd wake up to instinctively wrap his arms around the person around him and feel a cold and thin skin, when he had to experience waking up to Jackson's body heat and strong muscles.

Let alone having morning kisses.

Of course her kisses didn't feel the same as Jackson's. In fact, he says no one will ever taste as Jackson and it might be true.  
Izy's lips taste of lipstick and sweet toothpaste while Jacskon’s tasted like coffee ant strong mint but also passion and love.

Jaebum have always had a thing for bitter things.

When he's finally arrived to his class, he hears his teacher talking. Mr Eiber had to talk louder than anyone else when no one was even speaking. Jaebum never got why.  
He opened the door, trying his best to be quiet. But today wasn't his day.

It had never been his day since nearly a month now.

"Oh" Jaebum knew what was coming and sighted "Looks like Mr Im finally decided to visit us!"  
If "Annoying Teacher" had to have a definition, Mr Eiber would have been it.  
Jaebum simply nodded and as soon as he spotted Jinyoung, went to sit beside him. The amphitheater suddenly became more noisy. They were debating stuffs and Jaebum couldn't care less about what they were saying. Jinyoung squeezed his shoulder to greet him and Jaebum groaned "Why did you have to make me assist to this? I've hated this teacher since last year." Jinyoung half smiled as soon as Jaebum looked at him "What?" Jaebum asked. Jinyoung was staring at the very front row and pointed with his chin to where he was exactly looking. "Look who's here" he said and Jaebum's neck never turned that fast in his life.

Jaebum wasn't the kind of person to get embarrassed easily.  
Actually, he was one of the most confident people you'd ever meet. 

That's why Jinyoung almost choked when he saw his best friend turning to a tomato and trying to hide behind his large notebook. "Wow calm down man" Jinyoung said.

But Jaebum was far away from calming down.

Very, very far away.

Because Jackson was right here.

Jackson was right here. In the front row, lost in a bunch of colorful notebooks and pencils, in his pink hoodie, brown hair silky and shiny, holding and shaking a pen between his fingers as a habit when he was thinking.  
Seeing Jackson here, few meters only from him made Jaebum's heart go wild, as it always did for Jackson. He looked so soft, Jaebum felt like he was melting in his seat. Jackson always made him turn into jelly.  
He was the last person he had expected to see in his literature class, but here he was, making Jaebum go crazy for the millionth time.  
"Man, can you uhm get yourself together?" Jinyoung shook Jaebum's shoulder to take him away from his intense and deep stare at Jackson. "You're being unbearable" he added when Jaebum finally got himself together and looked at his friend. "Shut up" he only managed to say, while opening his now closed notebook.  
"What's the matter even? I thought you were over him?" Jinyoung asked so easily that it made Jaebum's head ache.  
How can he easily be over Jackson? How can he be over Jackson? How can anyone even be over Jackson? It was impossible to any human being to learn to live without Jackson once you tasted life with him in it, being the center of your whole world.  
"You're staring again" Jinyoung said and Jaebum groaned way louder than he had wanted.  
"Mr Im?" Mr Eiber said. The whole class was now facing Jaebum and he wanted to disappear at that moment. "Looks like you've got something to share with us about the end of The Catcher In The Rye?" His teacher took his glasses off and Jaebum could swear he was smirking. Asshole.  
There was a minute of silence after that, and Jaebum could hear his heart beating in his temples. He already had enough with Jackson being here and he wasn't in need to make a fool of himself in front of his full class and specially in front of his gorgeous looking ex boyfriend.  
He'd never read The Catcher In The Rye.  
Honestly, the only books he ever was in contact with were Jackson's.  
Jackson was a bookworm. But nothing in him came with the fact of him loving books. He wasn't the nerdy, shy, introvert and mysterious boy people would expect him to be. He was loud, funny, outgoing, charming and effortlessly the hottest person in the entire world, in Jaebum's eyes.  
When they started dating, people liked to label them as the "fanfiction" couple because Jaebum was the captain of the uni football team and Jackson loved literature. They looked like that, like north & south renuited, like the sun & the moon. They looked way too different, and in fact, people weren't that wrong. But in each other's eyes, they were so much more than that; they were the perfect match, the missing piece of puzzle they had spent their entire life looking for.  
Jackson wasn't what people thought about him.  
He had killed all the clichés Jaebum lived with his entire life.  
Jackson was so complex and yet so simple, it drove Jaebum crazy.

The sound of someone clearing their throat took Jaebum out of his thoughts. "So?" Mr Eiber said, sounding impatient. Jaebum was about to answer "i don't know" because that's it; he didn't knew anything. He didn't knew anything about Salinger, about his book or what his teacher wanted to hear.  
All he knew was that now, Jackson had turned his head to look at him.

All that he knew is that his heart almost stopped beating.

Jackson looked beautiful, pure, confused and perfect, just like he always looked.  
When he stared at him, Jaebum could swear nothing at that moment mattered. The only thig that mattered was Jackson's puppy looking, shiny, big brown eyes on his.  
But the moment was short, way too short, when Jackson decided to look back at his teacher.

"It's a sad end"  
Jaebum knew who that voice belonged to without a thought. He used to listen to that voice shout, go high pitched when he laughed, crack up when ge was sad, and moaning his name in a way that made all of Jaebum senses being thrown from the highest window.

"Holden was feeling so lonely, he started missing the people he pitied and hated." He shook his pen between his strong fingers "John Green said it: you can love a person so much but you can never love people as much as you miss them."  
Those words crushed into Jaebum's mind and made it ache.

Bullshit, he thought.

He missed Jackson like hell but loved him like hell too. He could never measure how much he missed or loved Jackson because it was impossible for anybody to feel the way he felt. Nobody could feel that empty and full at the same time. At a certain point, Jaebum thought he was going insane because of how much he depended of Jackson but he just came to the conclusion that this was what he was certainly going to feel for the rest of his life; miserable, pathetic, sad and most importantly crazy in love with Jackson.

And he didn't want that, really.

But his heart never agreed with the idea of letting Jackson go.

"Thank you Jackson" Mr Eiber smile was genuine and it was the first time Jaebum saw that. He could feel Jinyoung's smirk beside him and he didn't want to face him because he knew what that smirk meant and Jaebum wasn't having any of this today.  
"I am over him." He said, taking his pen and starting to write the few things he could understand on the blackboard.

Jaebum was a liar.

He was a liar because he would never admit that he missed Jackson more than anything, that he loved him more than he loved himself. He would never admit any of this to anyone. Not even his bestfriend because if Jackson isn't even aware of this, why would it matter to other people to know? Jaebum only was open hearted with Jackson, telling him everything that crossed his mind and heart. He felt at such ease with him around, he couldn't even think of hiding something from him. Jackson always was warm and understanding, he never ever judged anything Jaebum did even if that didn't mean he'd let Jaebum do anything. Jackson had a strong personality, he always knew how to handle Jaebum and stopping him from doing stupid things. He was his balance. 

But now he wasn't here.

And Jaebum had made a lot of stupid things.

Jinyoung just shrugged and the rest of the course had been calm. Jaebum was trying his best to not stare at Jackson because he didn't want Jinyoung to suspect anything. He could handle feeling miserable but he wouldn't bear being pitied. So he tried to forget Jackson was sitting few meters away from him, in that pink hoodie Jaebum once slept with because Jackson went home for a week and it had felt like years to him.  
Sometimes, Jaebum would furrow his eyes and fix the blackboard, looking like he's trying to understand what his teacher wrote. But in fact, he'd be staring at Jackson the whole time. Just seeing him holding his pencils between his strong and soft fingers, changing the pens colors, titling his head so he could hear Mr Eiber talking. These little details were making Jaebum weak and he hoped with all his heart that he wasn't being obvious.

It was the first time a course went that fast. It actually surprised Jaebum because he never thought his literature class would be this entertaining. Don't ask why.

When the teacher finally cleaned the messy blackboard and said they were done, the first thing Jaebum did was throwing, literally, all his stuffs into his pack bag trying to be as fast as possible because he knew Jackson was always the first one to get out of the amphitheater; he was always setting in the front row and he was so energetic that he managed to pick up all his stuffs, organised and after finishing all his perfect writing. Talent, Jaebum thought.  
As the pink hoodie that melted his heart was getting closer to the door, Jaebum ran clumsily down the stairs but a strong and rough hand on his wrist stopped him.

"Mr Im, we need to talk."

Mr Eiber's voice was rude and for the first time, Jaebum feared what he was going to hear from his old teacher.


	2. Chapter 2

"So you're telling me Mr Eiber wants you to improve your literature marks otherwise you can be kicked out of the team?" Jinyoung took a breath before continuing "And that you probably should find someone to tutor you?"

Jaebum had spent one of the most annoying days in his life. All he had wanted when he went to university was to play football. And he did. He has always loved football. When he was a little kid, his father would always take him to the park to play. As he played, he could see his father's proud stare at him, he didn't always felt that, so when he started growing up, he knew he wanted to play football. He wanted his father to always be proud of him.  
He knew from the beginning he had to have a certain average of grades so he can keep on playing in the uni's team. He knew that. And with him being the captain, he had the responsibility to make it work. Because if he didn't, he would have not only failed his father and himself, but also the team and the students that were counting on him. And Jaebum couldn't bear being a disappointment.

So, when his teacher nearly threatened him to kick him out of the team, he felt anger, unfairness and most importantly fear. He feared loosing the only thing he has never lost in his life. He feared loosing the only thing that remained with him through everything. He feared leaving the thing that made him feel safe and at his place.

"Yeah and it sucks" is all he managed to say.

Jaebum and Jinyoung were chilling on a table in campus. The sun was bright but the weather wasn't too hot. it felt was warm and the two best friends relaxed. They were eating and chatting, just like they always liked doing.

"Well you probably should start as soon as possible-" Jinyoung said, his mouth still full of cake "qualifying matchs will start soon" He pointed out, wiping his mouth and left cheek from the chocolate stuck on them.

Jinyoung has always been Jaebum's best friend. They didn't know how they ended up doing everything together, but they did. They knew each other from kindergarten and never separated from then. They've been through everything together, their dads' busy schedules (because Jinyoung's dad was also a well known business man) they've been together through their learning of how to ride a bicycle, through their first kisses, first crushes, first fights, first times, their graduation, summer nights and basically experienced everything together. So it shouldn't be a surprise to know they were playmates too. Jinyoung was a defender, probably the best Jabeum has ever played with (and yes it might be because he has always played with him) while Jaebum was a front striker. He striked goals almost too easily, entertaining even the team they would be playing against.

Jaebum knew he was good.  
He loved to know everyone else knew it too.

"Why aren't you in the same situation, by the way?" Jaebum asked while taking a way too big handful of chips which made Jinyoung chuckle.  
"I'm kinda good in economy" he said before taking a sip of his apple juice and continued " But I'm pretty shitty in literature too, if that reasures you".  
Jaebum looked away, taking his food into his mouth "I tchof licheratchu becos i thou it waj eajy".  
Jinyoung laughed way too hard as Jaebum rolled his eyes and finally swallowed his cheese aromated chips, letting some crumbs in the edges of his mouth.  
"I choose literature because i thought it was going to be easy."  
"Well, looks like it isn't, you smartass." Jaebum rolled his eyes again and Jinyoung held his laugh.

 

"Baby" Jaebum felt small and soft, too soft, hands on his chest before he realised he was being back huged "I looked for you everywhere" Izy said before sitting up in Jaebum's lap, making herself at ease. Jaebum held a sigh. He didn't like the feeling of the height on his body.

"Why didn't you call me?" She took two chips from Jaebum's pack and made them a way to her mouth.

Jaebum decided he has had enough.

"How many times do i have to tell you to stop being clingy like this? I don't like it." He sounded more rude than he had wanted, but she had the talent to make him angry for basically nothing. While he talked, she spotted the crumbs in the edge of his well sharped lips. She lent and licked them away from him, her tongue running teasingly through his sensitive skin. Jaebum lifted his head up faster than he thought and found Jinyoung blushing and looking down.

Jaebum sighed and lifted Izy off his lap almost too easily, making her hold into her tinny light blue skirt, as if it was possible to reveal more. "You're being so rude today!" she said, not sounding that serious and faking a pout.

Jaebum suddenly felt bad.

He knew he was the weakest for a special pout.  
It could have had him doing literally anything. He just couldn't resist those red lips forming the cutest and softest pout to ever exist.

Izy's pout couldn't compete with Jackson's.  
In facts, even a baby's pout couldn't compete with Jackson's.

Jaebum shook his head slowly, trying to shake his thoughts out of it.

He looked at Izy.

She had long and silky dyed blonde hair. Her face was round and her eyes were small and vicious, highlighted with dark eye liner. Her lips were thin and red from lipstick and her noise was sharp and cute. She was nearly as tall as Jaebum and she naturally had a great body.

Izy was a popular girl, always partying and having fun, living her young life and she was right about it. She was hot and Jaebum has caught his playmates staring at her way too long a hundred times.

She was beautiful, really. Probably one of the best looking girls in his university. And she was all Jaebum's.

But he never was all hers.

"What were you two talking about anyway?" Her eyes were curious as she took another handful of Jaebum's chips. He handed her the packet, suddenly not feeling like eating anymore.  
"Noth-"  
"Jaebum is gonna be kicked out of the team if he doesn't get good marks in literature and our teacher advised him to find a tutor" 

Jaebum's eyes grew wide looking at his best friend.

Honestly why can't anyone shut up?

"Oh" Izy said, sounding surprised "I can't be your tutor, i suck at everything related to books" "We know you're no help" Jaebum said, looking away. Suddenly, Izy's face lit up "Why don't you ask your ex boyfriend?"

She has said this in such a plain tone, it made Jaebum turn his head to her faster than the light speed, probably. His cheeks suddenly turned pink and his heart ached at the words: ex boyfriend.

"Jackson is a nerd, i heard" she rolled a neon pink nail polished finger up and down a strand of her blonde hair and chewed her chips loudly, Jaebum wanted her to choke at that moment so she could shut up.

 

She didn't have any right to say his name.  
She wasn't allowed to talk about him.  
If he could, he would've made everyone not allowed to say Jackson's name because everyone said it in a plain way, and Jaebum always considered his name way too precious to be treated like that. When he said Jackson's name, he said it with his heart on his tongue, with all his and Jackson's moments, the warmth in their lips and the drunk laughs they shared.

When Jaebum said Jackson's name, it never sounded like just a name.

It sounded like he was telling the title of the story of his life.

"He's not a nerd." He said and suddenly felt like eating chips again, when he put his right hand onto the pack, he found it empty. He groaned.

"Oh my God! Why didn't we think about it before?" Jinyoung placed his right hand on his forehead and Jaebum couldn't believe what he has just heard. He furrowed his eyebrows at his best friend, hoping he just heard wrong. 

"Jackson is one of the best when it comes to books"

Nope, he hadn't heard wrong.

"You should ask him for help, baby" the pack of chips being empty, Izy took a gum that she chewed way too loudly, as usual.

How ironic.

His current girlfriend advicing him to ask his ex boyfriend for help.

Jaebum held a chuckle, not wanting to let anyone know that the feeling of just thinking about Jackson telling him stories about authors, reading him poems, telling him his favorite stories had made his stomach hurt from excitement.

"I'm not going to ask him." He looked everywhere but at his friend and girlfriend "Just shut up, you two."  
He looked at Jinyoung, waiting for his best friend to actually act like his best friend and save him from this awkward situation. But Jinyoung was the biggest brat when he wanted to. He just looked at him innocently, eyes badly acting confused.

No, Jaebum just decided Jinyoung was the biggest brat ever.

"We gotta go, coach will get angry if we arrive late." He hoped Jinyoung would feel like helping him, because he surely didn't want to stay a second more here. He wasn't the happiest when he was with Izy, but he didn't want her to break up with him. He felt too miserable to be by himself and even more miserable for thinking this way. He shook his head and made the effort of placing his hand on Izy's naked thigh.

It felt too thin, he thought, nothing like Jackson's strong and toned ones.

The touch was light, his palm barely touching her skin. But it pleased her anyway because Jaebum saw a smirk forming on her face. She suddenly placed her thin lips on his and the only thing he felt was her strawberry gum and some salt left from the chips. Jaebum faked a smile at her, like he always did after they kissed, and stood up. Jinyoung did the same.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

On their way to the pitch, Jaebum was silent, only nodding to what Jinyoung was saying. His friend was certainly reminding him of the necessity for him to get good grades and saying how much the team would be horrible if he had to be kicked out. But Jaebum wasn't listening to any of his friend's words, his mind still thinking of: "You should ask your ex boyfriend."

He hated it the most when people said: your ex boyfriend about Jackson. He didn't like the word "ex" because it made him think that Jackson was only his in the past. To him, he was so much more than that. He wasn't just his past.

He was still his present.

He was still his present and all his tenses.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Im, go go go!"

Jaebum was sweaty, his blue shirt sticking to his skin, his black hair darker and he had to run his left hand through his fringe to keep his raven strands from sticking to his forehead, falling down his eyes and blocking his view. His breath was heavy and his heart was beating hard.  
The trainings were getting tougher because the qualifying matches were coming.

Jaebum gets a long, deep pass from Jinyoung, he runs after the ball like he never ran in his life and controls it under his right foot, his winning foot. Two more steps and he strikes.

Jaebum smiles widely through his heavy breathes.  
"Amazing Im!" is all he hears before getting hugged by his playmates. "You're the best wow!" Jaebum's smile gets bigger and he hugs back his playmates.

Even if it was intense, Jaebum loved the training sessions. Not only because he loved football, he loved it because when he was on the pitch, he knew he was at his right place. He never felt unwelcomed or annoying or rude or dumb there. He felt like it was exactly where he belonged. And he loved the stability football offered him, when everything else in his life was a rollercoaster of changes.

When he gets into the shower, the feeling of cold water on his burning muscles makes Jaebum groan. He is nearly overwhelmed by his strawberry shampoo, his hair finally getting fresh.

He cant help but smile at all the compliments he had received. He is used to them. He knows he's the best player of the team.

But he never takes it for granted. Never.

He does that, now, with what he loved.

He has learnt that with Jackson.

 

"Im don't go yet, we have to talk!" Jaebum is lacing his shoes when he hears his coach screaming from the other side of the changing room.  
He hated the "we have to talk"s. 

Last time it happened, he was left heart broken.

Mr Park was an old man, his pale skin matching his now white hair.  
He knew Jaebum since his first year of uni, and managed to make of the arrogant and lazy boy a humble and hard working young man. He has always been here for Jaebum, more than his father ever did. He took him under his wing because he knew Jaebum was so delicate and easily influenced at that time, he could've turned bad.  
Jaebum grew an immense respect toward his coach, so when he told him "You gotta get your lazy ass to pass your literature class, Im. This is a serious matter."

Jaebum sighted really hard.

"This is no joke. The team needs you-" Mr Park posed a moment and fixed Jaebum's white colar. "I'm counting on you-" he looked at Jaebum, eyes full of seriousness "Don't let us down." He patted his captain's shoulder and left.

Just like that he had left .

He had left Jaebum alone, not giving him a chance to reply.

People always left Jaebum without a chance to reply.

He took his earphones out of the pocket of his bright blue sport uniform and walked his way to his room. His mind completely empty. Empty of everything. He really was feeling done. He was done and didn't think anyone in this world deserved to feel that way. It was way too heavy for a single heart to handle.  
He was worried about his team, about disappointing his father, coach, jinyoung and whole university. He was afraid he was treating Izy too rudely and being a bad person. He was afraid he would never pass his literature class and loose everything he has built thanks to being the uni's football team's captain. He needed the attention he was receiving from it. Because since nearly a month, he felt worthless. Since those big brown eyes stopped looking at him with that fond innocence on them, he didn't feel he was worth anything. It felt like he has lost everything and was still about to loose more.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he opened the door of his room and made himself comfortable on his small orange sofa, he immediately felt better. The softness of his pillows and sheets were enough to make him relax. If he could, he wouldn't leave his room and hibernate the whole year, only going out for minimum living necessities. He'd definitely have some talk about this with his father.

Jaebum took a moment to look at his room.

His bed was still undone (it's not like he knows how to do it because Jackson always did it, so his bed was being undone since they broke up, gross, yeah.) He noticed Izy'z clothes were no longer on it and he sighted in relief.  
Above his bed, Jaebum placed his albums collection. He has always loved music and if he wasn't a football player, he definitely would have been doing music. He liked the emotions and feelings shared with every single note. The sensation of safety given by some lyrics. Jaebum loved music but he never knew if he was good enough to even think about making some, someday.

Beside him was his closet and he hoped with all his heart Izy hasn't made a mess of it, like she always did. He wasn't much of an organised person, in fact, he was the absolute contrary. But when it came to his things, he didn't want anyone -Izy- to mess them up.  
At his right, was his desk, full of plenty books and notebooks he hasn't opened in ages. Even if he managed to pass the majority of his exams, he wasn't the kind of guy to really be into studying. He thought it was a waste of time because he was there to play football and not to learn about why the Cold War was named the Cold War or about Shakespeare's biography.  
This was a current subject of arguments with Jackson. The younger would be calmly explaining to him he had to study harder if he wanted to stay in the uni football team and Jaebum wouldn't listen.

He hadn't listened.

One more thing he regretted.

He groaned, sinking his tired body into his sofa and burrying his face into the soft fabric of his favourite pillow.  
Suddenly, the door of his room opened and he hoped with all his heart it wasn't who he thought it was. When the person entirely entered the room and closed the door behind her, Jaebum sighted in relief, relaxing again against his sofa.

"Wow, you're that happy to see me?" Jinyoung joked while taking place near Jaebum, moving his legs down so he can fit in. Jaebum rolled his eyes "I thought it was Izy" he said, trying to relax again now that his best friend took way too much place on his sofa. Jinyoung gave him a tap in his broad shoulder and unlike the one he gave him this morning in class, this one wasn't friendly at all. Jaebum looked at him with furrowed eyebrows "She's your girlfriend" Jinyoung said, tone serious, as if Jaebum didn't know. He really hated his best friend sometimes. "Thank you for reminding me Jinyoung, it's not like i already know" he rolled his eyes unintentionally and Jinyoung did the same. They were besties, after all.

"You're really treating her like shit, you know"  
"You're really being annoying, you know"

Jinyoung sighed "Listen, i didn't come here to annoy you-" Jaebum shoot him a really? look and he saw a little grin forming on his friend's face "well, i didn't come here to annoy you only" he moved his elbows deeper into the couch "I came to tell you you're coming with me to a party tonight-" Jaebum opened his mouth but Jinyoung immediately shut him up with a pillow on his mouth "shh- you come. This is not a question. You are coming" He stood up, fixed his already fixed blue shirt and moved yoward the door. Jaebum moved the pillow from his face and turned to the door to see Jinyoung just about to close it behind him while he shooted "You can bring Izy, if you want!"  
Jaebum swore he didnt know why he was friend with him.  
He wasn't feeling like going to a party, not at all, actually. All he wanted to do was to stay in his room, still clothed, eating some unhealthy things he would get a yell or two from his coach for, watching some romantic movies and probably crying because not a single made up love story on screen could compare with what he has lived with Jackson.

His heart missed him so much at that moment, he did the first thing his mind told him to.

To: Izy  
From: Jaebum  
hey there's a party jinyoung is dragging me to.. you can come if you want.

He sent the message and immediately regretted, his functioning brain making a comeback and he hoped she'd refuse. Izy had a lot of friends and she didn't really like univeristy parties, she always said they were too quiet and boring. She always went to clubs when she wanted to party, which was 6 days per 7.

It's allright, Jaebum thought, she will decline, saying she already has something planned, something Jaebum wouldn't be interested in knowing about. It was allright.

From: Izy  
To: Jaebum  
of course baby ;) can't wait to see you again i miss u muah x

He didn't want the tap he gave to his head to be that hard, he actually felt quiet dizzy at that moment and you can't blame him, he had kinda strong fits.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was past 9 o'clock and Jinyoung had came and picked Jaebum up "I know if i didn't come, you'd never have left your room" he wasn't wrong, actually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were walking toward the party's location and Jaebum already wanted to go back to his room and doing what he does best. aka: being miserable about his break up. But Jinyoung wasn't getting any of his shit. Jaebum knew his best friend only wanted him to enjoy his youth and avoid getting regrets later, but Jaebum was already full of regrets and he didn't think not going to a uni party will ever be one of them.  
They entered the flat and Jaebum grimaced at the smell of alcohol and sweat. He couldn't help but frown. He really didn't want to party.

The two friends walked their way through the apartment and Jaebum couldn't help but throw a disgusted look at the drunk people rambling or shamelessly making out in ever corner they could fit two bodies in. Suddenly, Jaebum heard his name being called and he found himself surrounded by a large group of people. 50% were his playmates and people he actually already saw somewhere on campus and 50% were people he never heard about their existence. It's like this, when you were your University football team captain, you tend to have a lot of people trying to befriend you. Jaebum would be lying if he said he didn't like the attention he received. He enjoyed being the one everybody on campus talked about, his ego was flattered everytime a hot guy or girl was flirty with him, and he couldn't help but feel proud when every year, he was named the King of his university at their prom. 

But this was before he met Jackson.

Because nothing mattered to him now, only Jackson did.

A young boy, one from the second 50% category of people, shoot him a bright smile and Jaebum furrowed his eyebrows; he looked too young and innocent to be there, even if he was taller than everyone else (Jaebum included). "Your goal this afternoon was phenomenal!" He handed him and Jinyoung two beers and the two friends accepted the gift almost too easily. "I want to be as good as you, in the future!" the boy's smile never faded and lit up the room, Jaebum thought. He smiled sadly at him. He'd rather suck in football and have the ability to smile like the boy did. 

It's been weeks since he last smiled so bright.

"My name's Yugyeom, by the way!" he said before being pulled away by another boy, who also looked very young. When the hell did these two graduate from high school? "Come on Gyeomie" the boy said, holding Yugyeom by his elbow "Stop bothering our captain" and the two boys left.  
Jinyoung moved them to a quieter place and Jaebum only chatted a little with the people still surrounding him while walking. When they sat at a very very dirty looking sofa, Jaebum thought, he sighed and the two friends opened their fresh beers at the same time, the "pshit"s echoing where the music was getting low.  
"Looks like you have fans" Jinyoung smiled "You know, i alway did" Jaebum drunk half of his beer and relaxed into the sofa, not minding its dirtiness, when he spotted a blonde head waving at him.

Shit.

He had forgot that little detail.

Just when he started to relax.

"Hey baby!" her high pitched voice echoed loudly. She threw herself on his lap, literally, and giggled. Jaebum sighed and used his free hand to put his girlfriend's head up from it was laying on his thigh. Her mascara was smugged and her cheeks a light shade of red. Her redlipstick was slighty fading in the corner of her lips, Jaebum looked at her in concern "Are you drunk?" she giggled again and lifted her head up to face him "Noooooo!" her eyes weren't focused and that clearly meant she was. "i mean-" she moved her face closer to Jaebum's and he couldn't help but flinch at her hot and vodka smelling breath "what did you expect me to do? i-i texted you hundred times to- to see where you were but-" she did an exaggerated eye roll "but you never answer anyway" Jaebum inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them and turned to his right, Jinyoung was nowhere to be seen. He turned to face his girlfriend who was making weird faces to some people behind them. Jinyoung eventually came back with water and two other beers "This is for her-" he handed the bottle of water to Izy, she giggled and drunk her water clumsily "and this is for you. You need this, i think" Jaebum grabbed the two cans from his friend's hand, opened one and drank nearly half of it in one shot. 

It was going to be a long night.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

Half an hour later, Izy finally calmed a bit and her heavy head was now laying on Jaebum's broad shoulder. He, on the other hand, started to feel a little dizzy, and it was probably because he has sent Jinyoung to bring him two other beers. The loud music was making his ears and head ache and he was about to get up and make the three of them leave.

When he saw him.

Jackson.

The love of his life.

Smiling and dancing with another man.

Fuck.

Jaebum fell heavily into the couch, completely ignoring his girlfriend's annoyed groan. His mouth was dry but he couldn't help keeping it open as he watched the person who never once stopped loving, in the middle of the dancefloor, moving smoothly and hands on another man's shoulders.  
Jackson was wearing a tight pair of black jeans and a white shirt already drown in sweat, which made it stick onto his skin and revealed his broad chest and strong muscles. Jaebum knew he was drooling but he didn't care.

Jackson was fucking ethereal.

The man was smiling shyly at Jackson and Jaebum felt like punching a wall or the man's face. The stranger then held a hand to Jackson and he laced their fingers together.

Jaebum definitely wanted to punch the man.

Jaebum was usually a smart person. He never took decisions too quickly and took his time to think and act later.

But when he saw Jackson's eyes light up when the man leaned closer to whisper something in his ear, Jaebum didn't feel like he was himself at all.

He grabbed Izy's forearm and she groaned loudly. His eyes never left the two men dancing in the dancefloor "Let's dance, baby" it was the first time he called her that, and it felt so weird, but he knew it would make her move from the couch.  
He wasn't wrong. She giggled and got up. They walked straight to where the two men were and just when Izy started moving her thighs against Jaebum's, Jackson caught him staring.

Jackson was so close now. Closer than he has ever been since one month. Jaebum was too drunk to stop himself from staring at him. No one could stop himself from staring at Jackson, actually. When he focused on his eyes, Jaebum almost felt his heart stopping.

Jackson was wearing fucking blue eye lenses.

Jaebum loved everything about Jackson's body. His shinny, silky, sometimes oily brown hair, his cute little nose Jackson always hated but he never forgot to remind him how cute it looked, his strong hands which, he'll admit, were enough to turn him on and his full lips that always made Jaebum wonder how the hell they managed to always be naturally so red. But Jaebum's favourite thing about Jackson was his eyes. He had never met someone with eyes similar to Jackson's before. They were so big, puppy looking and their color was like melting chocolate. Jaebum always believed every person who would be looking into Jackson's eyes would definitely fall for him- just like he did- because it was impossible not to.

But the fucking blue lenses added so much sensuality to his puppy eyes it drove Jaebum crazy and he nearly went out of breath.  
Jackson turned his gaze off him and Jaebum followed where his eyes went. Jaebum faced Izy's hips moving upwards and grinding to him singing some wrong lyrics. Jaebum looked back at Jackson and his hands fell heavily on his girlfriend's low back. He was too deunk to think properly, the alcohool on his blood running too quickly. He wasn't feeling anything at that moment apart from Jackson's deep stare at him. He started moving, following Izy's moves when the man few meters from him decided holding Jackson's hand was no longer enough. Jaebum stopped suddenly, jaw clinching so hard he felt it could fall off his face. The man's hands were on each one of Jackson's strong and beautiful thigh, Jaebum felt his face burning. A fucking stranger was touching and now squeezing Jackson's thighs and Jaebum never once felt the urge to kill someone as much as right now. But he tried to collect himself, he lowered his hands into Izy's ass, never once breaking his stare at Jackson who did the same. 

Suddenly, Jackson looked away from Jaebum and turned to face his partner. His red lips parted into a smile and Jaebum fists turned white. He hated when Jackson smiled like that to someone else. He hated it when Jackson smiled to someone else, actually. Jackson's smile was a gift from heaven, the happy ending of a tormented love story, the goodnight kiss from mothers, the hot shower after a walk under the rain. Jackson's smile could make anyone crazy about him, just like -once again- it did with Jaebum

He wasn't going to fool anyone.  
He was a possessive jealous freak. 

Jackson was his and only his. 

But the man probably ignored this and in the heat of the moment, he leaned closer to Jackson's face. Jackson flinched a little and shoot Jaebum a smirk before turning to the man when their lips were only millimeters apart.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jaebum shook Izy's body off him so brutally she failed to fall into the ground. He walked straight to the pair. His blood was rushing through his head and he felt like punching walls. He wasn't seeing straight. He wasn't in control of his body. His mind was drown in alcohol and images of his Jackson in someone else's arms, his soft lips near someone else's.  
He grabbed the man's forearm so strongly he was sure it would leave a mark for days and shoved him out of Jackson's way, the guy almost fell to the floor.

Jaebum looked at Jackson, his heart was beating so fast, he thought it'd jump out his chest, his eyes were dark, he felt all the furiousness jumping out of them and Jackson flinched.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been sooooooo long! i was kinda busy and never got the time and inspiration to finish this chapter (yup the beginning was ready just few days after i published chapter one) anyway i'm so excited to be back and i hope you like this chapter abshdhd idk how to feel about it so leave comments i'll accept every remark! also if there are any grammar mistakes please tell me i'm not a native speaker it will help me improve! anyway i talk too much andhds ._. ugh i hope you enjoy! thank you for the kudos and comments ya'll are sweeties <3 :D

**Author's Note:**

> I basically wrote this after i once tweeted: "someone writes a post break up jackbum fic where jaebum desperately tries to forget about jackson so he gets a girlfriend but he can't stop thinking about him and comparing her to him whenever they're together and how nothing makes him feel the way he made him feel abdbdbdj thanks"  
> also this is my first fanfiction & i'm not a native english speaker so sorry for the mistakes! :)


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